About how you come back to life. Slowly. Step by step

---

About how you come back to life. Slowly. Step by step.

Sometimes the way out of depression is measured not by loud victories, but by these quiet centimeters.

Today I found myself doing a few simple things. She poured perfume on her neck and smelled it. I didn’t just mechanically press the spray bottle, but I felt this light, pleasant trail. I hadn’t felt it for years before this. Or I felt it, but just past.

Then she loaded the dishes into the dishwasher. Then I put on a clean dress. Just because I wanted to.

It would seem nonsense. But for someone who knows what it’s like - when the world feels like cotton wool, and you exist in it on 19 tablets a day, just to be in the “subjective norm” - such days become markers.

What helps me?

- Think. When I go to a psychiatrist, I go over everything in my head and analyze it. And the chaos goes away. Peace of mind comes not from the outside, but from within, when you put everything on the shelves. One very wise doctor told me: “You don’t need a psychotherapist, you understand everything yourself.” And it's true. The head is my main tool.

- Job. Today I finished the article and sent it to my co-authors. It was born from the chaos of thoughts and translations that were managed to be structured. The feeling that you can still create is a support.

- People who see you. A husband who wants to take me away from the whole sick world because he is afraid for me. The hairdresser I’ve been going to for 8 years and who says: “Don’t dye your hair, your color is excellent, many people dream of this.” It's not about hair. It’s about “you’re good just the way you are.”

- And those who went through similar things. I've met them. Just a little. But they exist. And they carry on the same way - quietly, with all their might, working, helping others, remaining “as equals” in this world.

The way out of depression is not when you wake up and the sun hits your eyes and you are happy. This is when you notice that you have inhaled the smell of perfume and it is pleasant to you. That you wrote the text. That you wore a clean dress.

So I'm writing it down here. To remember: I am moving. Slowly, but I'm moving.

---

Share

---

Comments (0)

Leave A Comment

Name:
Comment: Characters left: 1000